Conversational Piece
by Azusasan
Summary: SHONEN AI, Picard x Felix. Jenna has attacked her brother in the worst of ways once again, and Picard is left to deal with the result. It'll entertain you... at least briefly, I'm sure. Major OOCness.


Conversational Piece  
  
Just to remind you that Azusasan's not completed dead yet in terms of Golden Sun yaoi. Final Fantasy and Skies of Arcadia are addicting. REALLY. ; I promise to have more het stuff up soon.. Once I can get back into Golden Sun. :D  
  
Major OOCness is following. :P  
  
-Azu

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**Conversational Piece** --  
  
The sucky title, the weirdness, and _more_ shonen-ai

x x x x x

_Huh. I wonder where he is... Not out in the back training, not at Isaac's, or Garet's, no way he can be in Kalay, not at the town square, at the shop... Where IS he?_  
  
Just as Picard was about to exit out of the kitchen in his search for Felix, out of the blue came --  
  
"PICARD!"  
  
He screamed.  
  
Any person would, really. Especially if there was a wide-eyed, teary, brown- haired Venus Adept suddenly latched onto your clothing with -- oh _my_ -- pink bows in his hair.  
  
He turned around, saw this, and screamed some more.  
  
"IRIS!" Picard gasped, wrenching Felix off of him and holding him back at arm's length. "What happened to you, Felix?"  
  
Felix made an odd whimpering noise which normally signalled the other bishounen to pity him. (Which Picard did.) "Jenna... gingerbread cookies... and lack of boyfriend..."  
  
Picard soaked this bit of information in and mulled over it for a bit. "Jenna does this to Garet?"  
  
Felix sniffled and nodded.  
  
"Iris help us all..." Picard muttered, letting go of him and pinching the bridge of his nose. "No wonder Garet's been absent so long..."  
  
"P-Picard..." Felix mumbled, looking down sheepishly. Picard reached over and plucked a bow out of his hair, giving it a distasteful look as he threw it away. "Mia always said that... Mercury Adepts..."  
  
Ohhhh no.  
  
"...were calming spirits..."  
  
No. Not him. Picard had enough problems of own, such as feelings for this poor, pink-bow clad boy before him. (Say that five times fast.)  
  
"Psychiatry, Picard," Felix grasped his hands suddenly, his eyes wide and pleading. Picard winced. "I need psychiatry now."  
  
"I'm not a psychiatrist, though...." Picard said weakly, noting with disturbed realization that a soft shade of gold had been dusted over one of Felix's eyelids. "And I'm not good at... umm..." His resolve faltered as Felix made the same 'Pity meeee!' sort of noise from earlier. "Felix..."  
  
"Pleeease?" Big brown eyes... innocence... begging... resolve... disappearing.... knees... steadily weakening... "Picard... There's no way I could go to Mia like this..."  
  
"That's why you take out the bows first," Picard sighed, edging away from him. Felix pouted. "Mia's a better psychiatrist than I am..."  
  
"You're -- um, closer."  
  
Picard glared at him with a "Well, _duh_" sort of look written on his face.  
  
"And... Mia's one of Jenna's best friends. There's no way I could go to her like this."  
  
Picard pointed at the bows accusingly once more. Felix slapped his hand away.  
  
"And you're better looking!"  
  
A blue eyebrow raised in suspicion.  
  
"Well, er, not really." At his offended look, Felix said quickly, "Nooo, I don't mean it like that! I meant, uh... You're _both_ good looking people, but, say, Mia, she's -- "  
  
"Do you like boys, Felix?" Picard gave him an exasperated look. "As in -- romantically?"  
  
"Eep." Felix squeaked, quickly backpedalling.  
  
"Well?"  
  
"I... uhh..."  
  
"That's it, we need to talk." Taking his hand, Picard pulled him towards the wooden table in the center of the kitchen, plonking Felix down in a chair and then seating himself.  
  
"Picard..." Felix started up with his crying again. "I don't know what to do..."  
  
"I don't, either." Picard muttered under his breath.  
  
"My sister is harassing me... her boyfriend is AWOL... I live with a guy hundreds of years old... There's a chicken at the plaza that likes attacking me in particular... And the cow..." At this point, Felix broke down completely.  
  
"So what if I'm hundreds of years old? I still look good for five hundred..." Picard said to himself, partially as reassurance that Felix didn't automatically dislike him because of his age.  
  
"The cow... It's evil... Those black spots! They look... they look like..." He gave a great sniff. "They look like _Alex_!"  
  
Picard considered this. "Felix... Strangely shaped black blobs on a cow's side resemble Alex?"  
  
"The _hair_, Picard, the _hair_!"  
  
"Well..." He considered it. For a moment. Then he blinked, snapping back to the pressing matter at hand. "There's no way a normal blob on the side of a normal cow in the normal plaza can look like Alex!"  
  
"Do I need to show you?" Felix blinked away some of his tears.  
  
"No, you don't..." Picard sighed. "Felix, look -- "  
  
"I DON'T WANT TO! I just... I need some time alone..." He began to stand, put Picard lunged for him and he sat down again quickly in fear of being torn to pieces.  
  
"You haven't answered my question." Picard said evenly, leaning over the table and towering over Felix, who was trying to look as small as possible in his chair.  
  
"...What question?" Felix asked innocently.  
  
"Do you like boys, Felix?"  
  
"Umm..."  
  
"Answer me, Felix."  
  
"I don't know..." Felix wailed, buring his face in his hands. "I don't know if I do or not!"  
  
Picard sighed and sat back down. Did he or didn't he? That was the question. Picard himself wasn't sure of his own preferences, but he was sure of just one thing: he liked Felix in more than just a friendly manner. But that was just Felix, another person he had travelled with on their journey to light the beacons. He hadn't had time before to have a serious relationship with any other people, and --  
  
"Picard?"  
  
"Hm? What, Felix?"  
  
"I... I think I like both..."  
  
"Oh?" He fell into a silence. Well, Felix's tastes weren't limited. Maybe now he had a chance. "I see. Does that come with travelling with Alex?"  
  
Another sniffle. Felix stared at him morosely. "What about Alex?"  
  
"Alex..." Picard sighed, rubbing an eye tiredly. "Alex, he's... kind of.. _feminine_, don't you think?"  
  
"Alex has always been like that... You wouldn't believe the conversations he held with Menardi at suppertime... About -- "  
  
"Don't go there, Felix. Please."  
  
"Okay..."  
  
"So, then..." Well, Felix's preferences were settled. What now? Oh, yes. Questioning the latest acts of his mad sister. "You don't happen to have problems with Jenna in terms of violence, do you?"  
  
Felix stared at him blankly. Picard blinked back.  
  
"Felix?"  
  
"SHE'S **EVIL**, I TELL YOU!" Felix suddenly burst out, throwing himself down on the table, head burrowed into his arms.  
  
"I understand..." He knew travelling with Jenna was one thing, but being her elder brother was a completely different matter.  
  
"She puts me in bows, she forces me to crossdress," At this point, Picard wasn't trying at all to hide his stare, "She has me in slave labor, she makes me cook for her, and you think I have problems with her in terms of _violence_?!"  
  
Picard was sitting all the way back in his chair, eyes wide. Felix had about as many personalities as Jenna had red days. My, my. "Is that... a yes or a no?"  
  
"She threw a wooden spoon at me the other day." Felix sighed. "No, Picard, she _doesn't_ hurt me."  
  
Picard managed to catch himself before he said, "Oh, really?" The Lemurian blinked as Felix pulled out a dainty hankerchief from one of his numerous pockets and blew his nose. "...Well..."  
  
"Are you ever going to go back to Lemuria?" Felix asked out of the blue.  
  
"Perhaps." He didn't know whether he wanted to go back there -- where Conservato hated him, and the tiny population was aging rapidly. Besides, on the mainland, he could be with his dear Felix...  
  
"You won't go? For my sake?"  
  
Wait a moment. That sounded fishy. "Hm?"  
  
"I'll go insane if you leave! Jenna will -- will -- make me her personal slave!"  
  
"I thought you _were_ her personal slave already..." He muttered. _And you're already a pretty cracked up nut, if I do say so myself,_ he added mentally.  
  
"That doesn't matter! She'll just add on more work!" Felix was crying frantically again, and Picard felt increasingly guilty. "You can't go! I'll die!"  
  
"Is that your only reason? You DO like boys _and_ girls, don't you?"  
  
Was Felix feeling smart enough to catch onto what he was hinting at? Picard dearly hoped his sister hadn't made him addle-brained yet. But Felix seemed to haven't heard the question at all, unfortunately enough for our Lemurian.  
  
"Don't leave meeee!" Felix somehow leaped at him over the table, latched around his waist and crying.  
  
"I... er..." Picard sat in his chair stiffly as Felix continued to bawl into his shoulder. He awkwardly patted the Venus Adept's hair. "Um, Felix..."  
  
"Don't leave me don't leave me don't leave me!" Felix wailed. "You're all that's left that keeps me sane!"  
  
Picard was oddly touched by Felix's last confession and stroked his ribbon- ravaged hair soothingly, adjusting Felix so that the Venus Adept was leaning against his chest comfortably. One half of his mind was cooing something along the lines of, _Awww, you poor baby!_ while the other was cackling evilly and screaming, _I have Felix in my lap! I have Felix in my LAP! Hell yeah!_ But Picard, being a Mercury Adept, didn't let either side show itself to the heartbroken Felix, and he continued to cuddle the younger man until his crying slowed and finally stopped altogether.  
  
"You won't leave?" Felix asked of Picard instead of demanding, for once.  
  
"No, I won't, silly." The Lemurian replied cheerfully, tapping a forefinger against Felix's nose. "If you're going to be a crying wreck all the time, I really don't think I will."  
  
"Really?" His eyes shone so brightly when he was hopeful... Picard felt a need to run off and write romantic poetry. "You won't go?"  
  
With a sigh, Picard said, "No. You're helpless against Jenna anyways... I kind of feel bad for you."  
  
Felix gave him a strange look, then turned to stare at the wall. "Well, as long as you won't leave..."  
  
"You know, another reason why I'm not going is just to stay here with you, Felix." Picard murmured, watching Felix carefully to catch any emotions that would flit across his face.  
  
Felix only blinked several times, and turned back to look at Picard, their eyes meeting. He lifted his hands to cup Picard's face gently, brushing away some loose strands of hair. "Another reason why I don't want you to go is so you can stay here with me, Picard. Keep me sane."  
  
Picard's fingers crept over Felix's hands, and he clasped them with his own. "And... love you?"  
  
Felix's eyes closed, and he smiled. "Whatever you want. Just stay here with me and protect me from my barbaric sister."  
  
"It's a done deal." Picard smiled back before he kissed Felix.  
  
But the story does not end here, faithful readers! For Picard found out shortly afterwards that Jenna had apparently tested a new lipstick on Felix, as well... Which led to much sputtering and gagging on his part and more tears (Of embarassment) from Felix. And once he had managed to recover from his recent run-in with foul-tasting lipstick, Picard asked of Felix, "What do you think about me helping you get all that off of you?"  
  
Felix responded with a most happy, "I'll love you for eternity and a day."  
  
Eternity and a day, hm? Picard would only have to see how long eternity was...  
  
...with his beloved Felix, of course.

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ende

x x x x x

Gack. I didn't think it was that bad. Scrapped up the last half at 10 PM; so sue me... I needed to write humor to get it out of my system. And what better than a girly!Felix and in luv!Picard? Mweheh...

I posted this at the community "GS Yaoi" at Livejournal.com, too, so make sure you check it out by way of my profile, mmkay?

Leave a review, if you're in the mood.  
-Azu


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